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| hhii.
My name is Kaity. And I'm all smiles and laughs
But I'm also a fake. :]]
And I smile every chance I get
but late at night, all I do is cry. And I don't even know why. I'm tired of being a fake person. But who really wears their heart on their sleeve? No one. Everyone walks around all happy and you catch a single glimpse of them, when they're standing alone, and see their face. And you can tell something's wrong, but no one ever asks. Everyone's scared to know what really goes on. And, yes I may be guilty of this too, but isn't everyone? Everyone's seem someone hurt or disappointed and has just blown them off. Thinking "oh, someone else will ask, they'll be alright." but how do you know? How do you really know someone will ask? That's another thing ive learned this year. From now on I'm trying my best to be there for my friends every chance I get. I want them to know that yes, I do care. And if you want to talk, no I will not blow you off because I wouldn't want someone to do that to me.
And I've come to realize that there will be some people in your life that you love to pieces, but you have to let them go. No matter how hard it may be. Because you know you're better off without them. And the road will be tough, but you can make it through, if you try hard enough and don't give up. So, I'm trying that now. With someone I've spent 3 good years with. But I've realized I'm better off without him. Yes, I will definitely miss the good times and all the laughs and smiles he's brought me, but I feel it's time to let him go. When it gets to a point, to where all they do is hurt you and don't realize it, and don't care, you know it's time. so, here i am, letting you go. Sorry I can't say this directly to you, But I don't think you'll understand. I know you won't reading it here either, but know that I am truly sorry. For letting go. I have to do what's right. So, here's some pictures, of our good times. Just know that I'll never forget them.
sorry its sideways
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| so. I'm really bored//tired. And, there's no one to talk to. So, here I am.
I really want to go see Dashboard Confessional in concert down in Orlando. They're playing three shows July 21-23 at thr House Of Blues. And, we're going on vacation down to St. Petersburg beach for a few days around that time and I think we're coming back home on the 23rd so that would be like perfect. Right on the way home. lol. But, I don't know. Answers probably going to be no. They're new album is very good. I've been listening to it for a while now.
So, anyways. Nothing new is really going on. I'm going to the movies friday with vana, seth, and maybe Brittney. I'm pretty excited. Haven't seen vana in over a month. It's weird from going to see someone everyday to not even seeing them once a month.
Summer is already halfway over. And I've spend all of my days here, on the computer with nothing to do. It gets old. But, I get to think a lot. And sometimes that's a good thing, and sometimes it's a bad thing. I drive myself crazy sometimes thinking about "what if's?". I stay up until atleast 3 every night just thinking, listening to music. Last night I finally feel asleep around 5:30. Am I the only one who ever does this kinda stuff? I mean, every single night I find myself plugged into my ipod and my mind just races. I think about anything and everything. And sometimes I get scared, and sometimes I get sad. Well, once again I sat here and rambled on about nothing.
hhhhmm I love this song Dusk And Summer. It's so good. I went and put it on my myspace.
oh yeah, so if anyone wants to go see Dashboard Confessional with me, let me know. Maybe we can work something out? Because I really, really, really want to go.
Dusk & Summer by Dashboard Confessional
She smiled in a big way
The way a girl like that smiles
When the world is hers. And she held your eyes
Out in the breezeway, down by the shore
In the lazy summer
And she pulled you in
And she bit your lip
And she made you hers
She looked deep into you as you lay together
Quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer
But you’ve already lost
But you’ve already lost
But you’ve already lost
When you only had barely enough to hang on
And she combed your hair
And she kissed your teeth
And she made you better than you’d been before
And she told you bad things that you wished you could change
In the lazy summer
And she told you, laughing down to her core
So she would not cry
And she lay in your lap as she said
“Nobody here can live forever
Quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer.”
But you’ve already lost
But you’ve already lost
But you’ve already lost
When you only had barely enough to hang on
She said “No one is alone the way you are alone.”
And you held her looser than you would’ve if you ever could’ve known
Some things tie your life together
With slender threads of things to treasure
Days like that should last and last and last
But you’ve already lost
But you’ve already lost
But you’ve already lost
When you only have barely enough of her to hang on
Hang on
Hang on
Hang on
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| I've had this thing for 510 days. haha. that's a long time. so do you guys ever feel like you have the world but you still feel so..empty? I dunno if that's the word. I don't know how to explain it. It's like, you have everything you need but yet, when you lay in bed on nights you can't sleep, you just start crying. And, you don't know why. And then you think about it, and you're like whats wrong with me? I don't know. I'm just kinda rambling. I don't really have a point to this. But, does anyone understand what I'm saying? Because, I just don't know anymore. And, to be honest, I don't think anyone knows anymore. whatever. short entry | | |
| heyy. hows everything going. i just got back from Nacho Libre. Don't waste your money, it was horrible. so i dunno. im just bored.
I keep looking back at all my old entries. I was really immature. I think I've changed a lot over this past year. And even just in the past 6 months. I've learned a lot about life and trusting people. And I think I owe a lot of that to Mr. Seymore because he taught us more about life than he did about Algebra. And, I really appreciate it. I've learned to not just open myself up for everyone. And I definitely don't trust people anymore. In fact, that's actually kind of gotten bad. Bree told me how I dont tell anybody anything and I just keep it in and hide it all. And she's right. I do that. You know, I think about how when school was still in how different I see myself when I look back. And that's how other people see me. All smiles and laughter. And only tears on the last few days because I'm leaving a lot of people. And, that's not me. That's not anyone. And, I've learned that the hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else. And you feel horrible because you'll be sitting right next to someone and they're lonely and there's nothing you can do about it. And the constant struggle of trying to keep your friends close. Someone drifts away for a week and all of a sudden everything is crashing down. And they start questioning your friendship. And you keep trying with everything in you to keep it going. And you have too many serious talks to count. So, that's my entry for today. That's some of what I've learned this year. I've become a survey whore on myspace so why not be one here too?:]
2.) How many years have you been on the planet?: 14
3.) What are three phrases you use at least daily?: lol. idk. idk.
4.) Are you a survey addict?: pretty much
5.) Do you have an online journal that you use regularly?: sort of
6.) Are you one of those people that are constantly applying lotion and/or chapstick? omgg yes. chapstick=love
7.) Name any mental disorders you have been diagnosed with: none
8.) Ever freeze anyone's underwear? haha, no.
9.) Name one thing you only do/act like/wear/etc. um, what?
10.) Would you consider yourself random?: nah
11.) Do you have clothes hanging in your closet that still have the tags on them?: yeah.
12.) Do you doodle all over your papers/homework?: sometimes
13.) Do you write down phone messages/notes on your hands?: no.
14.) What do you think of those Kidz Bop commercials?: theyre very annoying and they piss me off.
15.) What CDs in your collection are you ashamed to admit you own?: none.
16.) Got any toe socks?: yes
17.) Do you find that you rub off on your friends more, or vice versa? I have no clue.
18.) What time is it?: 11:41 pm
19.) Does anybody really know what time it is?: maybe
20.) Does anybody really care?: also maybe
21.) Who sings that song, anyway?: I dunno
22.) Do you untie your shoelaces before taking them off?: i wear flip flops.
23.) Ever have random hallucinations?: not really.
24.) Ever take your pet for a walk?: everyday.
25.) Have you ever loved someone so much it made you cry?: yea
26.) How much do you sleep?: quite alot.
27.) Do you think staying at home and raising the kids is primarily "women's work"?: no
28.) What do you think about gay marriage?: i dont see what the big deal is, love is love.
29.) Do blondes annoy you in general?: no im blonde
30.) Ever done illegal drugs?: no
31.) Do you smoke?: nope.
33.) Yell at your parents?: yea.
34.) Compete with your siblings?: nah.
35.) Think you got enough love as a child?: sure
36.) Listen to pop music?: not really
37.) Out of your own, what's your favorite lotion/ body wash/ cream/ perfume/ cologne/ etc. scent?: white cherry blossom.
38.) Why do fools fall in love?: because theyre people too.
39.) Why is the sky blue?: because it isn't green.
40.) Did you know that your metabolism slows down at night; so if you have a midnight snack you will probably gain weight in the morning?: yeah.
41.) Are you going to have an open casket funeral?: I don't know.
42.) Do you bruise easily?: yeah
43.) Does death fascinate you?: uh no.
44.) Ever dated someone five years older (or more) than you?: no
45.) Ever dated someone five years younger (or more) than you?: no
46.) What's with all the black rappers right now having such terrible teeth?: you're asking the wrong person.
47.) What was the whole "rosebud" thing all about?: what rosebud thing?
48.) How many people do you think would come to your funeral?: I don't know.
49.) Are you wondering why I'm still on the death thing?: youre a freak
50.) Who said this: "Death, taxes, and childbirth. There's never a convenient time for any of them."?: ????
51.) Have you ever contributed to someone's death?: uh no
52.) What Hollywood celebrity annoys you the most?: tom cruise
53.) What do you think about school?: Idk yet.
54.) Are you addicted to the internet?: pretty much
55.) Do you have those little white vitamin deficiency marks on your fingernails? no
56.) Dog person or cat person?: definitely dog.
57.) What do you take when you have a headache?: tylenol.
58.) What's your alcoholic drink of choice?: don't have one.
59.) Is "settling down" a major priority for you (meaning; married, good job, spending your extra money on new curtains and mowing the lawn on weekends?): not really. i wanna get married and have a good job but i dont wanna be boring..
60.) Do you have a calendar/datebook?: yup
61.) Was "Beaches" as good a movie as everyone says it was?: never seen it.
62.) Physically, are you usually cold or warm?: warm
63.) Socially, are you usually cold or warm?: um.
64.) Ever been so depressed that you don't shower, do the dishes, clean up anything, answer your phone or move from your couch for more than a couple days?: no
66.) Do you ever walk by someone and they go, "how are you?" and you go, "how are you?": sure
67.) Wouldn't you rather we all just avoid eye contact and not say anything at all?: sometimes.
68.) Ever do volunteer work?: no
69.) Do you think community service should really be given as a punishment for criminals?: why not.
70.) Do you shoplift?: nah.
71.) Ever worked so hard that you cried?: no
72.) What if God was one of us?: that song is very annoying.
73.) Who sings that song?: who knows, ask justin he used to sing it.
74.) Are you old enough to remember the commercial with little old lady saying "where's the beef?": no
75.) Finish this sentence: "La la la la, la la la la, ______ world" : lalala
76.) Do you remember the Care Bear craze?: not the orignal one.
77.) How about when Oprah was fat?: yeah
78.) Remember Pogs?: yup
79.) Remember when that gymnast sprained her ankle in the summer Olympics, 1996?: yes
80.) Remember what you were doing yesterday at this time?: sitting here.
81.) Do you love shoes?: nah.
82.) What shampoo do you use?: herbel essences
83.) How do you feel right now?: jahsuhadua0hdsf08dsf.
84.) Do you let dogs lick your face?: yea.
85.) Do you subscribe to Playgirl or Playboy?: no
86.) What are you doing right now besides filling out this survey?: listening to music
87.) What year were you born?: 1992
88.) Do you rule that year?: um no.
89.) Do you paint your nails?: no
90.) What's your hair length?: a little past my shoulders
91.) When did you get a cut/trim last?: like a month ago.
92.) Do you have hoity-toity relatives, or trailer trash relatives?: um. neither.
93.) Would you consider yourself to have an innovative mind?: um.
94.) Has an old man/woman ever flirted with you?: ew. no.
95.) Ever written a survey like this?: yea
96.) Would you ever consider dating someone who'd been in prison?: depends on what they were in prison for.
97.) Are you worth crying over?: I wouldn't know.
98.) Do you know anyone who's drowned?: no
99.) Would you rather have a one-on-one conversation or go to a party?: who's at the party?
100.) Do you feel better after purging all this random information from your system?: no | | |
| hi. I think im gonna start using this again. Because I have too much time on my hands and I get bored. So i dunno. The end of the year was pretty good. Everyone pretty much made up and everyones friends now. Besides me and jessica because i dont want to make up with her. But we never really fought in the first place, i think she just kinda got the message that I dont like her anymore. Summers been boring so far. Busy swimming. Which isnt as fun as last year. Because none of my friends are there anymore. And theres a new head coach and no one really likes him. But its alright I guess. theres only one meet left and championships so thats good I guess. well im gonna do a stupid survey and put up some pictures I guess. oohh and I'm going out with seth now.. have been for one month and one day :]]]
(-End of the School Year Survey-)
(Made by www.xanga.com/surveys_for_nimrods, Don`t remove this tag)
001. What was your schedule this year?: chorus, algebra I, english, pe, history, science
002. What friends did you make?: bree. jenna. seth.
003. What friends did you lose?: uum jennifer, sara, jessica
004. Did you make a new best friend?: yeah.
005. Did you make a new enemy?: yeah.
006. What grade are you going into?: ninth.
007. What was your favorite class this year?: algebra
008. Are you looking forward to summer?: yeah i was
009. Are you looking forward to next year?: yes.
010. Do you have any friends who`ll be going to a new school next year?: yep. vana britt caroline..
011. Does any of your siblings go to the same school as you?: no
012. Did you write in any of your textbooks?: all of them. all the time.
013. What clubs were you a part of?: none
014. What was your field trip like?: busch gardens was ssssssooooo much fun :]]]015. You`re the class of...: 2010
016. How many years until you graduate highschool?: four.
017. Are you going to a new school next year?: yes.
018. What bus number were you?: didnt ride a bus
019. Did you get a yearbook?: yes.
020. What school do you go too?: not sure yet. probably mhs
021. Do you plan on going to college?: yes.
022. Do you plan on getting a summer job?: no. cant
023. Do you have a relationship with someone in your school?: yes!!! <33333
024. If so, next year will one of you go to a new school?: were both going to the same school
025. Do you have any friends in higher grades?: yes. stephanie just graduated
026. What about friends in lower grades?: yes. taylor
027. What was the best part about the school year?: having the best teacher ive ever had and making new friends and the last week of school was so fun.
028. Did you often hangout after school?: at the bus area. lol
029. Are you going to go to the last day of school?: yep. i went. and i cried my eyes out
030. On the last day, what do you plan to do?: i went. and we hung out in mr seymores then mr mcclungs and mr seymore gave his end of the year speech 10min before the bell rang and i cried until i couldnt breathe then i went to justin with bree caroline and seth
031. Did you have any type of field day?: no.
032. Did you lose anything valuble at school?: nope.
033. Do you plan to raid the lost-n-found on the last day?: no.
034. Is your locker a complete mess?: not really. it sorta was.
035. If you could, what grade would you repeat?: 6th.
036. Did you fail any classes this year?: no.
037. Do you have to go to summer school?: no.
038. Do you have to stay back?: no.
039. If you`re graduating, when is graduation day?: we didnt have one
040. Do you have final exams?: yuyeepp we did. two for every class.
041. Was this a good school year?: yes. for the most part. alot of drama though.
042. Are you a good, average or bad student?: mostly good.
043. Did you get lunch detetion this year?: no.
044. After-school detetion?: no.
045. Suspension?: no.
046. Exspulsion?: no.
047. What was the worst trouble you`ve gotten into this year?: uuumm in chorus. like every single day i got in trouble and huber called my parents.
^^^^^ thats huber in the background lol ^^^^
^^ thats seth
oohhh yeah and i got bangs!! sseeee
okkaayy well thats about it!
go to my myspace
www.myspace.com/kaitybug2316
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